I am lucky in that I have a close knit circle of friends that I adore. A majority of my closest friends don’t live in New York; we communicate regularly via text and email, like that. One friend of mine is a Walking Dead fan; we text the morning after, despite the time difference, until we’ve sorted out what the eff Rick is thinking. All of my faraway friends know the minutiae of my life; the beauty of texting makes efficiency and confession a lovely partner. I may not see my friends who live further away, but we are connected. For my friends who live in the same city as I do, however, seeing them is a sporadic venture. It’s hard to stay connected, physically. It’s so much easier to send a bitmoji. And yet, there’s something so dismissive about consistent texting when it is ostensibly easier to make face time. I get it, high powered careers and managing a household doesn’t give you a lot of time to do the things before those parameters entered your life. But. But. But. As we age, we run out of time, quite literally. It has become important to me to at the very least, make the effort. Beyond always answering an email or a text. So I’ve developed a system that keeps me tethered to trying.
1. The Reach Out: This is along the lines of, “When can I see you?”
2. The Follow Up: Provided my friend carves out the time, this is the point where I start making plans to see my friend(s).
3. The Get Down: And…if no one flakes, this is when we finally hang out.
Bear in mind, this takes work. When I’m trying to see one of my friends, I am literally working with them as they have to check in with their partners, their schedules, their whatevers. I have to always be patient. I have to. Because I want to see my friends. I like that I’m growing old with them. I don’t like that I don’t see them. I get that their lives are complicated; we all use that line. But to me, what’s important is making the time to do so. And so, I will keep trying to see my friends.
Rebecca Solnit: “There is a democracy of social discourse, in which we are reminded that as we are beset with desires and fears and feelings, so are others; there was an old woman in Occupy Wall Street I always go back to who said, “We’re fighting for a society in which everyone is important.””