Tuesday BARB UP October 17, 2017.

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My daughter wrote a book, Earth Hates Me. Own it. Please.

On parenting—in terms of raising a Teenager on my own that is–what I’ve discovered is this: I can’t parent based on how I was raised. And the way I was raised? My parents did what they could with what was available to them. Me, right now, I have to adapt to what’s available to me right now. My parents owned their one-level three bedroom ranch with a sun room, a basement, a front and backyard; I rent my compact apartment. I had chores: I mowed the lawn, I had to deal with the garden and on occasion, I helped my mother with a yard sale. My Teenager has agency over her bedroom, she clears the table on the rare occasion I cook dinner, and when FreshDirect drops off groceries, if I’m not home, she’ll put things away. I drop our laundry off; I reckon before she goes away to college, I will locate the laundry room in our apartment building and show her how to do laundry. When I left my home, I had to have cash in hand as ATM’s were not invented yet; when my Teenager leaves for school or for the evening, I ask her if she has money and if she doesn’t, I advise her to take money out of my wallet. In this case, I always have cash in the wallet, like my Dad did, although the circumstances are ever so different. My Dad was a New York City Taxi Driver and he always had a wad of cash in his front pocket; I just have an ATM. I used to do the dishes, so that I could talk on the phone, which cost money per minute; we have a dishwasher now, there are never dirty dishes in the sink, and phone plans are as much of a succubus today as they were in the 70s. I have a super now to change my lightbulb and when I want to see life, I walk the streets of New York. I don’t drive, I Lyft. I don’t mind if she’s laying in her bed, watching Netflix and/or reviewing her social media feed. I did a version of that as a teen, locked in my room, radio blasting, hiding from my parents. I didn’t want to be around them, in the living room, watching TV. I remember, very clearly, how much I questioned everything. I loved my parents but they were not my anchors. And when I became a parent, I found my way as one, separate from theirs, in the way that was familiar to me. I didn’t settle into life in the burbs, I chose to be in the concrete jungle. I am not wistful about my life as a teen, or how I used to run with scissors or how I used to spend my time. My parents built their lives in Queens. They threw raucous New Years Eve parties and they fought a fuck-ton. It’s not how I live now and those practices don’t apply to the way life is for my daughter. There is no “in my day” in my home; “my day” is happening right now. I don’t see why I would impose what I knew then upon her now. We work in tandem; I always feel like I am making it up as I go along, I trust my instincts, I know what is in her interest and I serve those principles. Values, well that’s another matter, for another post, on another day. And by the way, she knows she is of equal value and for that, oh wow, am I satisfied.

Chimamanda: “I’m going to answer your question but you have to promise me that the next time you meet a new father, you ask him how he’s balancing his work and the responsibilities of fatherhood.”

Mayim Bialik: “Those of us in Hollywood who don’t represent an impossible standard of beauty have the “luxury” of being overlooked and, in many cases, ignored by men in power unless we can make them money.”

Kathleen Kennedy: “We have to act. I am proud to have worked in film my entire adult life and I reject the idea that misogyny is the true heart of this industry. Misogyny is depriving human beings of their humanity and that’s fundamentally antithetical to the empathetic examination of human experience that is, or at least ought to be, the core of what film at its best can be. People in our industry know that we have our own complicity, hypocrisy, and avoidance of this issue to examine and to answer for, but we cannot let that necessary work prevent us from immediately doing what needs to be done to build a better and safer industry. The time to begin that work is now.”

Gabrielle Union: “I’m brutally honest with the stuff that I’m willing to talk about.”


Tips on mailing mail.

So you can have sex with a Vampire. Cool, cool.

And now have a laugh with Sarah Silverman.


Hurricane Maria Support.

Puerto Rico has been devastated by the recent hurricanes. Your help is needed.

The Maria Fund. “One hundred percent of monies raised will be used to support immediate relief, recovery, and equitable rebuilding in Puerto Rico for the communities hit hardest by the storm.”

Operation Puerto Rico Care-Lift: “The island has been devastated by two back to back Hurricanes in two weeks and has lost 100 percent of its power grid. This disaster happens on the heals of over 10 years of severe economic recession and hardship. And frankly, most people don’t have a way off this Island.” Lara Richardson & Chris Sloan

Support The Girls. Always an advocate for women in need, Dana Marlowe’s set up a donation for Puerto Rican women and girls.

Unidos. “100% of your gift to UNIDOS goes to help children, friends and families recover from the devastation caused by Hurricane Maria and the Mexico City earthquake.”

Unidos Por Aguadilla.  “That’s why we concerned about our towns of Aguadilla and Yauco , where we were born and raised, are creating this fund to funnel 100% of the resources directly to help  the families in need on the West coast of Puerto Rico. ” (Samy Nemir & Hedmanuel Soto)

Unidos Puerto Rico. “United for Puerto Rico is an initiative brought forth by the First lady of Puerto Rico, Beatriz Rosselló in collaboration with the private sector, with the purpose of providing aid and support to those affected in Puerto Rico by the passage of Hurricane Irma and Hurricane María.”


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