Monday BARB UP April 2, 2018

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On Online Dating.

I envy my friends who have been in relationships since before online dating became ubiquitous with “shopping for humans.” Before eye contact and chemistry were no longer a requisite for going out with someone that one time. Before phone calls were replaced with texting. Before sexting became the way of dirty talk. They’re lucky, honestly, to have found their partner and to ride off into middle-aged sunset before they could swipe right or left. They don’t need to ever know the indignation of irrelevant banter on the apps, of  determing someone’s Eligibilty based on a fleeting glance, of the incessant deception that comes with filters on photos. I’m happy I am now dating someone I met, through friends. I don’t miss all the rules I set up for myself, so as not to “settle.” For instance, I found it creepy when a person only had one photo on his online profile. As if one was enough for me to determine whether I’d spend a half hour quizzing him on the new season of “Homeland.” I did not appreciate a profile without a witty comment, profiles where men showcased their hunting and/or fishing abilities, and I certainly did not get into a potential date’s indiscriminate use of emojis on his profile. And if I came upon a profile of a man who was handsome and had a fair bit to say about himself, including how he was in an open relationship, I was for sure swiping left. These criteria were my mainstay, how I kept myself to some standard. I longed to be in a relationship; I wanted to not know these things, like my friends who were coupled up, who’d missed the advent of Tinder, who barely recalled when Nerve offered up “play” as an option. I missed the awkwardness of a man approaching me in a real live setting, his uncertainty as to how I would react, his careful choice of words. The not knowing of the visceral moment. All of that is gone in a swipe. It’s so hard to identify whether you are going to be compatible with someone just from a photo; the clues are in the details. And the details that are missing, those are louder than bombs.

Bobbi Brown: “I didn’t even know what autonomy was.”

Lynda Carter: You have to visualize the time. Women’s lib! Burn the bra! Gloria Steinem! And I had some guy telling me I needed a chaperone and had to go cut a ribbon somewhere. It wasn’t me.”

Kathy Griffin: “I think it’s important to lean into the controversy, because I know so much more about it now.”

Women who inspire.

The photography of Arlene Gottfried.

Denmark’s monument to black women.

What do dogs think of Isle of Dogs?

I am so smitten with these clogs from Sven, I can’t even.

Sven. Size 7.

And now have a laugh with Tig Notaro.

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