Thursday BARB UP February 7, 2019

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It’s I’ve-Got-A-Cold season. And one is coming on. I’m achey. Tongue swollen. Voice scratchy. I thought being sick was challenging as a solo parent, as there is no downtime for that parent, ever, and it applies to when you are in sickness. I still needed to do all the things, and when I say all, I mean everything: put out the garbage, feed the dog, make my own bed. The Teenager pitched in, of course; she’d walk the dog, she’d make the tea, she’d sit next to me and hold my hand as I wheezed, as the tears fell from my eyes as I coughed, as I was hunched over in pain. When she was younger, she was too young to walk the Rocky on her own. I still did it. She was too young to boil water, so she microwaved. She was never too young to hold my hand, to read to me, to sit by my side. In her elementary school days, I still woke up, dragging my bronchial body to the kitchen, prepared the meals for both she and our dog. I still walked her to school. I still walked home from school with dog in tow, crawling into bed, setting the alarm for when I’d need to pick her up. I still had to parent. I was on call. I was always on call. Even when my throat was on fire and I really, really, really would have liked to be in bed, eyes closed, resting. In the days when I was working and had a sitter, juggling being sick and being an employee and being a parent was easier. The women who cared for my daughter were generous, soulful, kind ladies who wanted to help, and on days like today, when my body is simply flailing, I really miss them. I had an extra set of hands. Now The Teenager is in college, and I’m alone with Rocky. How did I do all this in my child-free days? I know I got sick; I lived on an edge. Crazed at all times. I’m not living like that anymore, I just don’t. Being sick then? I didn’t let it slow me down. I plowed through. Being sick now? Stakes are higher. I have to earn. I have to walk the dog. I have to buy my groceries. So. I have to pivot on how I dealt with it while living with a child/Teenager. And that, that is new territory for me.

Pamela Adlon: “I remember being on set that day and thinking, I’m ready. I think I know how to run a show.”

The women in white.

How cute is this bag from Clare V?


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