Tuesday BARB UP October 22, 2019

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My yearly Public Service Announcement: Use Those Condoms.

I hope you are using condoms, unless, of course, you are interested in becoming pregnant or are in a committed relationship. Condoms make sex-sense. Beyond the usual sky-is-falling cry from the CDC about STD’s being on the rise. It is so easy to find sex, so so so easy. It is so easy to be dismissive about no longer needing to worry about becoming pregnant. It is so so so easy to get lost in the moment. There can be a divine flippancy about our invincible selves, particularly if we’re in a post-menopausal universe. The dating apps, which make shopping for humans a mere distraction, allow for a fluid exploration of sexual identity and behavior. It’s been my experience since joining the dating app world that I’ve had a great deal of exposure to a panoply of idiots looking for a shortcut to the game of fucking. There’s no courting, there’s no flirting, there is only the goal of sex. Lines like, “Can we move to text?” “Do you like to get frisky?” are hallmarks for “Let’s sext.” There’s almost a safety net in that: it means, well in my case, I can write that dummy off, he’s not boyfriend material. It also means, I won’t be seeing that man in person. I’ve met maybe three people in the old school way–at a party, in a bar, through a friend—that have turned into viable relationships, men looking for connection and eventually (and inevitably) fucking, but beyond those people? Every one else has made their way to me via a digital component. Swiping is a go-to; if insomnia seizes me, I can do some low-impact browsing instead of going to Zappos; this, in some ironic way, saves me money. And dating? It’s a chore. From who is picking up the tab (come on, really? I need to reach for my wallet when I’ve just listened to you whine about how much of b-word your ex is?) to why-do-we-need-to-see-those-your-friends-again, it’s work, the kind of work you need to be committed to to endure. Dating leads to something more-than. It’s not just sex. And it’s certainly not just sex on the apps. Sex, by way of the apps, is low-expectation, medium level reward. And it’s easy to have. Even if you are a man, you can get laid in this era of swiping. Yes, there may be the complications of roommates and offspring, but it’s still quite easy to get off with another body. Which is why practicing the rules of safe sex is imperative to one’s health. The refrain, “But I was just tested!” is just that; how many men have said this to me, with a straight face? So, so, so many. And the fact is, it doesn’t matter how recent a person has been tested, there is always this sobering fact:  men are not tested for HPV.   All these STD’s are so easy to contract; I don’t know many women who do not have one, or have had a bout with one. So. Fuck all you want. And use the condoms. They are the final frontier to your health.

Who da fuck is bullying Patti Lupone?!?!

Tracee Ellis Ross: “I was raised by a mom who was so clearly herself in every environment that she was in. I saw, experienced and witnessed her, and I took that as an example.”

What is the deal with astrology?

How Angie Kim learned to be a mystery writer is fascinating.

And now have a laugh with Natasha Leggero.

 

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