Why date, I wonder sometimes, because for me, the combing through of potential mates is tedious. Dating is complicated. What will be, we wonder, as we enter the dance of getting-to-know-you? Some of us date to meet someone we connect with. Maybe the dating becomes going out, which can turn into an exclusive relationship, that maybe that leads to marriage and maybe, even divorce. Some of us date multiple people at the same time, making sure we don’t settle for just anyone. Some of us can only date one person at a time, looking for who is beyond the Nice Person on that first date. We date, we connect, we talk about it with our friends. We text The Person, sometimes we wait. Sometimes it’s not our choice that there isn’t a second date, sometimes it’s our decision. Sometimes there is sex involved and sometimes there isn’t a second or a third date after that first one. Sometimes sex turns into a lost weekend. Sometimes there’s ghosting. Sometimes there’s obsession. Sometimes, sometimes, sometimes. Dating is in its own way the pursuit of hope.
In 1995, The Rules came out and we feminists? We cackled at it. The Rules told not to call the Object of Your Affection first, to always end a date or a call first, to not have sex on the first date. There was a lot of emphasis on being First to end a transaction, as if it gave you agency. There was a tremendous amount of calculation in The Rules. The goal was simple: catch the eternal eye of The One by giving that person hoops to jump through. I didn’t adhere to The Rules and I stand by that decision; I didn’t enjoy the game of it.
I’ve been dating my whole life. I walk into every date, hoping the person I am with is going to be someone I like enough to hang out with. I know at some point in the date (which includes but is not limited to a walk in the park, drinks, dinner, a bus ride) if I like the person. I leave every date knowing whether I will see the person again. I have my own personal set of rules that work for me; I’ve workshopped the shit out of dating.
My code is not universal. My code is imprinted with my agency. My code is my years of a self-eduction. And I’ll keep at it until I meet that person I choose to spend most of my nights and some of my days with.
Mo’Nique is going to give us a stand up special. YES.
New sharks to be wary of.
If the characters of Tony and Maria appeal to you, you’ll want to read this about West Side Story.
Oh sure, so now I can’t enjoy my depression because dementia looms. Muthafuck.
Is the light all that great for a bathroom selfie?
And now have a laugh with Jokes Seth Can’t tell which features Amber Ruffin and Jenny Hagel.