January 8, 2018.

I believe I am starting with the menopause. I know that for so many women, speaking with your Mom is the best insight as to what may be ahead of you. For me, speaking to my Mom is an exercise in MAGA level frustration. A lot of fluff with no concrete information. So I turn to my body of peers. To the Facebook group I am a part of. To coffee with friends. To anyone who will listen, offer advice. I want to chronicle what I am experiencing, but also use the wisdom of others.

For instance. This feeling of unease began just a few weeks ago, in December. Just before Christmastime. I noticed feeling warm when I sleep. For me, that is an unusual statement, as I am always cold. I sleep with two comforters in the summertime. I keep the heater on in my apartment. And for a New York City apartment, where there is no true climate control, that is an indictment of my own approach to my comfort level, temperature wise. I am simply, cold all the time. So. To feel hot while I am in my bed, while wearing just the basics—sweatpants, t-shirt, sweatshirt, socks? That’s insane. But that really was the first “hint.” And it took me a few nights to see a pattern.

What does it feel like? So far, I just feel suddenly warm. No sweats. No palpitations of the heart. No indiscriminate farting. Just a warm engulfing me. It’s not sexual. It’s just warmth. Now I know what to do, which is to expose my feet to the air, it cools me down almost immediately. I don’t need to sleep naked, not yet (exception: when the boyfriend is the body blanket).

Right now, today, as I type this, I feel warm. This is the first instance of the warmth enveloping me during the day. It just appears, the warmth. It doesn’t start at the toes and work it’s way up. It seems to settle into my body, the face, the neck, the torso. The feet, not so much. It’s just a warmth. Now I know it, I know the sensation and I am at ease with it.

It is part of the ‘pause.